1. Age at next birthday

2. Place I’d like to travel

(amalfi italy)

3. Place I’ve been

(Tulum Mexico)

4. Favorite food

(Polenta with marinara)

5.  Place I was born

(livonia Mi)

6. Place I live in

7. Name of past pet

8.  Best friends nickname

9.  my first name

10. first job

(picture framing)

First, for the story to be funny I have to introduce you to my wife. She is EXTREMELY reserved, even with me in private. She’s a small, petite woman who keeps her private life private and sex talk is not something she will often partake in. I can’t even say the word “Horny” without grossing her out. It  either it happens without talking about it or we use the phrase  ”In the mood”… She is hot though. I’ve yet to find someone who disagrees with that.

Sooooo anyway we were standing outside at a friends house last night and we were smoking. I said something that mildly pissed her off and she was about to say “kiss my ass” but I interrupted her before she got to the word “ass” and replaced it with “patoot” she than said “grits”. I was like ok. Grits.

She then spun off into how much she HATED grits. I told her I’d never had them. She thought she needed to explain it’s consitancy to me and referred to it as “snot” then she referred to it as “cum” and without missing a beat she goes “I almost threw up on his dick” .

I almost fell on the ground laughing. I think in 5 years that was the funniest thing I’ve ever heard her say.

cheers to my wife for still making me laugh.

Our story is really hard to recount for everyone as it tends to bounce around quite a bit. I guess the long of the short is that we’ve always known that we should be together and when the timing was right (well it really wasn’t right but we made it right) we both made our move.

I’ve never known what love truly was until her. I’m not going to sugar coat anything, as most of you know, our lives have fallen into the “way past comfortable” stage.

We know everything there is to know about eachother and spend too much time being co-dependant on one another but it works for us and we’re happy with what we have.

Over the years we have truly lost people in our lives that we never imagined would turn their backs on us but through it all we have always had eachother. 

We are coffee and cream, apple and pie, lesbian and mullet. She is my partner, my best friend and the only person I truly need in this lifetime. Here is a proverbial toast to the celebration of love. A toast to the comfy pajamas and bad hairdays that your love never really cares about, to dressing up sexy on an unexpected monday just to make her happy, To surprising her with lunch on the day she didn’t have time to eat.

Love with your whole heart because anything less is a waste of time.

1. Danielle : because you have ruined countless lives and are on the path to ruining your sons at mock 1. Your lies and your fucking pig headedness have caused earth shattering changes in lives that you could give a fucking shit less about!

2. Republicans: In every fashion, in every sense of it’s meaning and what it stands for. For your spreading of hate and religious propaganda  you can go take a flying fuck at a rolling donut! I’ve no use for you

3. Bug’s mom: clearly listed as #3 because she is a republican so it’s like 2 and 3 are equal. For your no-so-unconditional-love. For not being here when she cries night after night after listening to your retarted babble about “you never used to be gay” and “jess will never be a part of this family” For being so GODDAMN pig headed that you refuse to bend on any thing. For causing a huge family catastrophe and blaming it on ME!!!!! you CUNT!

I’ll be adding more later.  if you have your own feel free to comment

 I for one fully intend on spending my next life and a rich sexy lesbian. (I can really only hope for the lesbian part)

My friend Sabrina killed herself last Thursday and it was an awakening sort of. I’ve had people close to me die over the last year but for some reason this one is really hard for me… I know that it is mostly because it could have been prevented, that I feel a smidge guilty for not paying closer attention  and mostly that she was so young.

what is it in life… or in the minds of others that some folks just can’t take a hold of their sorrow and fix it. I never believed that it was true… always thought that it was a deep rooted cry for attention. I apologize for that and now truly believe that no one in this world would take their own life for the attention.

I’m just sad about it. Everyone will move on and we’ll think of Sabrina as the years pass but the fact of it is that she will never be here again in the human form and that is so very saddening for me. \

Undressing her is only the precursor to how you’re going to handle her for the night. Will you be gentle, or will you give her what she wants.

Will it be what she wants. Take it further, how will you know if she doesn’t tell you and how will you taste her if you don’t try.

Sliding your tounge down her side while she arches her back, you slide your hand up the nape of her neck and grab a handfull of her hair, pulling her head back as far as it will go to expose the veins that start behind her ear and trail down where they disappear under her collar bone then reappear down the innerside of her breast . Bite it. Lick it. She moans. It’s her favorite place.

She will beg for more, spreading her legs wide as if to ask you to end her pain. Do you? I guess that all depends on how strong you are.  You wrap yourselves around eachother for hours, rocking to your own beat, breathing heavy and feeling the beat of her heart on your chest. You will never feel anything like this in your life.

For most we lose the feeling of a new body at our finger tips, or the new taste of a woman in our mouths after a few months of manogomy. For others they simply move on when it’s dried up. I’m thankful for my lover. She keeps me wanting more and she doesn’t even know it.

I moved into a house in Highland (Michigan) and worked 2 jobs to make ends meet. I got a call from my mother’s landlord at the complex where she lived on February 27th 2002 at 3pm.

She told me that she, and my mom’s neighbor were concerned because it was now Wednesday and my mother (who was a school bus driver) hadn’t been out of the house since the weekend and her truck was still covered with snow from a snowfall the Sunday before.

I was on my way to work when she called so I called my boss and diverted my path. When I got there I unlocked the door and my moms beagle came bolting out of the house between my legs. The house was dark and there was dog feces all over the floor. It smelled really bad in there, so bad that I was gagging while calling for my mother at the bottom of the stairs. I knew she was dead. I don’t know how, I just did. You’ll never forget that smell once it’s in your nose.

My mother had no serious health problems except for the fact that she was a smoker and over weight. I went in the house with my mom’s neighbor Tracy. I walked halfway up the stairs and couldn’t make it the rest of the way. Tracy grabbed my hand and pulled me up to the top of the stairs, there we found my mother in her bed. Clearly dead. Her skin was green and I couldn’t even recognize her as my mother. She had been dead for 2 days according to the medical examiner. Her body was so badly decomposed that there could be no toxicology screening. The guilt of this plagues me to this day.

If I had one more day with my mother I would tell her how much her love meant to me. Though she didn’t agree with my lifestyle, she tried, which is more than most parents. I would ask her for one more mom hug. She would wrap her arms around you and pull you in tight. I don’t care how old I was or how bad the problem, her hugs could sooth and cure you. Even my friends would come over for “a mom hug” when they were feeling down.

I miss that the most I think.

I would tell her that I appreciate everything that she did and how hard she worked as a single mom to make a decent life for her children. Then…. I’d get all the recipes of my favorite foods out of her head. I miss the food too…. she just never wrote anything down.

What I’ve learned from this experience is monumental. It doesn’t come into words easily but I have such a good grasp on how much family and friends mean to me. I know that being a good person in the world is more important than anything else!

Hold on to the ones you love and keep them close. Because though this was fun, I’ll still never get “one more day” and I’m full of “shoulda, woulda, couldas

This year I’m starting it new. I don’t ever make resolutions for a new year and this is no exception this is a promise. Simple and true.

I will focus simply on my family  (this encompasses friends too) I will not worry about what others think of me and I will be steadfast in my decisions. It’s truly time to wash out the dirty laundry and clean house so to speak.
I’ve been having trouble with a certain family member. It’s not really recent it’s been ongoing since we were young and I’m physically, emotionally and mentally tired of “it”. I’m done with that this year too.
I can’t allow our family to live for, worry about or make our decisions based on what’s good for “everyone”.
I’m washing my hands of Casey’s family and embracing my own. That’s were all of the love, respect and acceptance comes from.
Casey and I will work on our relationship/s without worrying about creating new ones or fixing the ones that were never really there to begin with.
I’m washing my hands of Chrissy. Yes, I said her name which is the first time I’ve said it in a while. I’m still deeply hurt that her libido and “friends” are more important to her than a friend who bailed her out of countless hard times over the past 16 years of friendship. She will never again be a part of my family. This too is a promise.
I’m going to start saving money. Emergency cash in the event a hot water tank goes, or a furnace. I’m going to put more money away in my Deferred Comp plan (retirement supplement/investment program) so that when I hit 50 I can get the hell out.
Off to clean house! my love to you all

It has been the first time in a while that I felt very sad about you not being here.

Somtimes I still get angry and sometimes I still feel sorry for myself. Self loathing seems to be a growing trend in my life lately. Not something you ever taught me to do. I guess some things are just learned behavior.

I wonder if there was something I could have done. Something that could have changed the outcome of everything.

Where would we be today? would you accept me for me or would you still hold a grudge?

It’s very cold here and it was a cold day when it all went down. The day is drawing nearer and I wonder if this year will be different. I still miss you immensly. I miss you like it was yesterday. somtimes I find myself wishing we weren’t as close as we were. Perhaps it wouldn’t still hurt so bad.

I can’t tell my friends that it will get better because it doesn’t. It just gets easier.

So if you are reading my thoughts, because thats all this really is, please know I’m missing you. Wishing that you could be here for big changes and to tell me that you’re proud of me.

All my love.

thats all. Hope all are well.